 | Blogs > deepestfaith > Mesianic Viewpoints > Friend vs. Spouse |
4/23/2008 1:00 pm Last Read: |
One day I heard a saying that has stuck with me for many years. It was in regard to the question, What is a FRIEND? The answer had a rhythmic bounce to it. A friend is a person who knows ALL that is GOOD about you, and ALL that is BAD about you, BUT still loves you. Doesn’t this sound like what a spouse should be too? Several years later, I contemplated why so many people got divorced. Divorces were high regardless if people were Christians or not. I walked into a Bible bookstore in the summer of 1993. They had 12 books on marriage recovery. This was about a quarter of a shelf. Next to it they had 7 shelves on divorce recovery. I am not sure what it is today but would not be surprised if this anomaly still prevailed. I realized (light bulb went on) that a lot of married people I knew who were having problems, were NOT friends!! -------------------------------------------------------------- Let’s look deeper into what a friend is. A friend is someone you respect. Once again, regardless that you know ALL that is good and bad about them you are able to respect them. How can that be if a person is the scoundrel of the earth, that someone can be his or her friend. It is because friendship is not decided by what a person is or isn’t, but by the interactions that person has with you. Think of it as an EMOTIONAL BANK. Every time a person does something with another, a deposit (if good) or a withdrawal (if bad) is made. If there are more deposits than withdrawals, then you have a plus balance and a friend. If there are more withdrawals than deposits, then you have a deficit and are overdrawn, and possibly an enemy. -------------------------------------------------------------- So here I was with two golden theories or laws of relationships. The realization of them is: Good or bad, we are willing to love a friend. We respect them, but our spouse is not afforded the same grace as a friend gets. How often have we said or heard people say, I couldn’t date them, they are my friend. Deductive reasoning or common sense tells us that is the one reason why two should date. More times than I want to remember, I’ve heard someone say: I wish my husband/wife was more of a friend to me. My response is, Why don’t you become more of a friend to your spouse? Wouldn’t a person want the one they vow to love and honor, to death do us part, to be their best friend with whom they can talk about anything? How many times have we all heard that lack of communication hurts a relationship? We can talk about anything with a friend, so by not dating a friend it is no wonder lack of communication exists. In conclusion, all this leads to a simple final observation which is…. LET’S DATE AND MARRY A FRIEND AND STOMP OUT DIVORCE.  Thank you Beth747 for your feedback while writing this and your excellent editing help. Blessings, Michael Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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5/13/2008 6:16 am |
Yep, a person will marry a complete stranger if they are not friends first. Good blog Michael. Thanks, and blessings, Robin   "Love is Patient..."
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5/5/2008 12:58 pm |
Very wise advice indeed!! Blessings!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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4/24/2008 9:42 pm |
When I look at the people I know that have had long,loving and lasting marraiges they are always friends with each other.I think a lot of people especially when they are young {but not always} are more "infatuated"or in"lust"than in "love" with each other and stay stuck in that mode unless they realize it takes a lot more than infatuation to make a marraige.Friendship,respect and forgiveness. Nobodys perfect but we all think we are at times compared to others.
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4/23/2008 4:48 pm |
I know of two couples that started out purely as friends with zero romance in mind. After years of solid friendship they suddenly fell in love with each other. Both couples are now long lasting, vibrant marriages. That's what I want!! Thanks for the post. And I agree.
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 4/23/2008 1:59 pm |
Hi Michael,  If I have another husband, he will have to be my friend. That's how it will have to begin. Excellent post! Isn't Beth a blessing? God bless you!  NOTHING that happens, happens for NOTHING My Personal Testimony That's My Story And I'm Stickin To It! What A Blessing!!! Thank You All! Why Do Some "Christians" Behave So Badly? New Members at BigChurch, WATCH OUT!!!
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