 | Blogs > deepestfaith > Mesianic Viewpoints > Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife |
5/16/2008 6:16 pm Last Read: |
The subject for this post is Self Esteem because in the last 4 months, I have heard so many stories from people emailing me about how their past boyfriends or husbands mentally abused them. In some cases it has been parents. After receiving no less that 30-40 of these, I started wondering why someone would do this to another. I also wondered why someone would allow another to do this. There were many possible reasons that came to mind but I am sure you all do not want a post the size of an encyclopedia. My pondering made a shift after reading a story last February. Since I have been a manager for 23 of my 26 or so years working, I learned that; The value you put on a person greatly affects the way they value themselves. Isn't that prophetic? This was further reinforced when I was reading the book 3:16 by Max Lacado. In it he tells a story about the 8-cow wife. I would like to share that story with you now : --------------------------------- My trip to the Kiniwata Island was a memorable one. The thing I remember most was "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows for his wife." I’m reminded of it every time I see a woman belittle her husband or a wife wither under her husband’s scorn. Johnny Lingo is known throughout the islands for his skills, intelligence, and savvy. Johnny is also one of the sharpest traders in the islands. He can get you the best possible deals. Yet, when they speak of him, they always smile just a little mockingly. In Kiniwata, I went to the manager of the guesthouse to see who he thought would be a good fishing guide. "Johnny Lingo," said the manager. "He’s the best around. When you go shopping, let him do the bargaining. Johnny knows how to make a deal." "Johnny Lingo can make a deal alright!" hooted a nearby boy. "What’s going on?" I demanded. "Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then they start laughing. Please, let me in on the joke." "Oh, the people like to laugh," the manager said, "Johnny’s the brightest and strongest young man in the islands. He’s also the richest for his age." "If he’s all you say he is, why does everyone laugh at him behind his back?" "Well, there is one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He gave her father eight cows!" I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. A dowry of two or three cows would net a fair wife and four or five cows would net a very nice wife. "Wow!" I said. "Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away." "She’s not ugly, …" he conceded "… but calling her ‘plain’ would definitely be a compliment. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid he wouldn’t be able to marry her off. Instead of being stuck with her, he got eight cows for her. This price has never been paid before." "Yet, you called Johnny’s wife ‘plain?’ " "I said it would be a compliment to call her plain. She was skinny and she walked with her shoulders hunched and head ducked. She was scared of her shadow." "Well," I said, "I guess there’s just no accounting for love." "True enough." agreed the man. "That’s why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get satisfaction from the fact the sharpest trader in the islands was bested by dull old Sam Karoo." "But how?" "No one knows, but wonders. All the cousins urged Sam to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure Johnny would pay only one. To their surprise Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said, ‘Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.’ " I wanted fish and pearls, so the next afternoon I went to the island of Nurabandi. As I asked directions to Johnny’s house, I noticed Johnny’s neighbors were also amused at the mention of his name. When I met the slim, serious young man I could see immediately why everyone respected his skills. However, this only reinforced my confusion over him. As we sat in his house, he asked me, "You come here from Kiniwata?" "Yes." "They speak of me on that island?" "Yes. They say you can provide me anything I need. They say you’re intelligent, resourceful, and the sharpest trader in the islands." He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata." "Yes, I know." "They speak of her?" "A little." "What do they say?" "Why, just … ." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time." "Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more. "They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused. "They wonder why." "They ask that?" His eyes lighted with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?" I nodded. "And in Nurabandi, everyone knows it too?" His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita." So that’s the answer, I thought: Vanity. Just then Sarita entered the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still for a moment to smile at her husband and then left. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, and the sparkle in her eyes all spelled self-confidence and pride. Not an arrogant and haughty pride, but a confident inner beauty that radiated in her every movement. I turned back to Johnny and found him looking at me. "You admire her?" he murmured. "She … she’s gorgeous." I said. "Obviously, this is not the one everyone is talking about. She can’t be the Sarita you married on Kiniwata." "There’s only one Sarita. Perhaps, she doesn’t look the way you expected." "She doesn’t. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo." "You think eight cows was too many?" A smile slid over his lips. "No, but how can she be so different from the way they described her?" Johnny said, "Think about how it must make a girl feel to know her husband paid a very low dowry for her? It must be insulting to her to know he places such little value on her. Think about how she must feel when the other women boast about the high prices their husbands paid for them. It must be embarrassing for her. I would not let this happen to my Sarita." "So, you paid eight cows just to make your wife happy?" "Well, of course I wanted Sarita to be happy, but there’s more to it than that. You say she is different from what you expected. This is true. Many things can change a woman. There are things that happen on the inside and things that happen on the outside. However, the thing that matters most is how she views herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. As a result, that’s the value she projected. Now, she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands. It shows, doesn’t it?" "Then you wanted …" "I wanted to marry Sarita. She is the only woman I love." "But …" I was close to understanding. "But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight-cow wife." The above story was based partially on an article found in Reader’s Digest (February, 1988 ). The original work was copyrighted by Patricia McGerr in 1965. Think about your words and actions (both public and private). Do your words and actions make your mate feel he/she is worth eight cows or just one cow? Don’t make the mistake of causing your spouse to feel like he/she is worth only one cow. If you do, they will probably start acting like a one cow wife/husband. This principle can also be applied to the way you treat others. Many problems can be eliminated at work and church if we only treated others with more respect. Think about the value you put on people. As a general rule, people respond according to the value you place on them. -portions contributed by Biblehelp.org. Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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6/5/2008 11:26 am |
Even the name'Sarita' means 'little Sara'. Her name even seemed to bring on a smallness. Praise God for men who value 'little' women (and vice versa)! I, too, was raised in a household where I was brought down by my sisters. I was at age 17. I married an abusive man at age 19. When he kicked me (and 5 children) out to the street, I thought life was over. Bit within a month, a person that I worked with told me that I had become more beautiful in the last month than she had ever seen me. Being out from under that curse of belittling and demeaning had brought out beauty in me! Amazing! At that same school, if we caught a student putting someone else down, we made the bully write 10 'put-ups' to the one they were picking on and then read it to them. It was a great way to make the persecutor really think about valuing the 'underdog'. God has blessed me through your writing. Thank you for allowing God use you in such a great way. ~Lahlimama~ (aka...Lorilei) With Love  and Laughs  Lorilei  group: Special Education
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5/18/2008 9:20 pm |
I enjoyed this story, I was just looking at some pictures I had when I was very young and I thought to myself why would anyone take someone so sweet and want to abuse them and yet people do. We all know people or have been abused and how we come out of that is an amazing adventure. To overcome and be built up. TO know that God does teach us and brings people into our lives that makes us feel we are precious.
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5/17/2008 4:17 pm |
Wow Michael: Thank you so much for sharing this fabulous story. It reminds me of how little I valued myself, before Christ came into my life. He paid the utimate price for me so I could be forgiven and receive all the wonderful blessings that God has for me. I owe Him everything and long to hear the words, well done good and faithful servant. God bless you richly and abundantly for your service. Thanks again, Eva
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5/16/2008 7:13 pm |
That is a beautiful story Michael - if men everywhere had those kinds of thoughts towards the women in their lives - wow - wouldn't this world be an amazing place? Blessings!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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