 | Blogs > chardshan > Charla's Blogs > My Latest Letter to My Ex |
9/8/2010 3:25 pm |
My allergies are driving me crazy. For the past couple of days I've been working in the yard, trying to make up for neglecting the garden. I wish I would have weeded it more often! Zach had his Open House on Tuesday, at his school. Chris had his on Wednesday night. I'd never been on a tour of his high school before and it's breathtaking. The school is the same one my parents graduated from and everything looks so antique and beautiful. It reminded me of a museum! Chris got excited when his German teacher suggested that she wants to plan a trip to Germany within the next couple of years. That would be great if he could go there, someday. His dad has been there at least three times. I hope they don't fine you for that stolen key. It really isn't fair! 9-4 Crazy, huh? That, after so many years of ignoring each other's existence, we could be such good friends. Who would have thought? I guess that was why God put us together in the first place. He knew we would need each other. Everything happens for a reason. Chris' high school won the football game last night 33-22! And the other team was undefeated until then...from what Chris told me. I had to go to the game. Chris plays trombone and we didn't realize he was supposed to bring it with him. We thought the teachers brought the instruments from the school. We had to go back to the school from where they were playing, find all the doors locked, find a couple of nice custodians to let us in, walk clear across the building, up three flights of stairs, into the band room, find his trombone, go back to the field, get his uniform on, and wait in the stands for the band to get off the field, so Chris could stand with the band and PRETEND like he was playing, because, as he later told me..."that's what trombonists do because no one cares about the trombone." And football bores me to tears. All I did the whole game was move my legs back and forth so the same hyperactive teens could pass in front of me to find their friends. They obviously didn't go to watch the game, either. 9-5 My allergies kept me up all night. Do you have allergies, too? I can't remember. This morning, Andrew called. He isn't going to go to church or my parents' anniversary party. He's starting to become clearer and clearer to me and I feel stupid for not listening before enough to understand him. What I got from our conversation is that it's way too important to him to be "close" to me. what I mean is...he wants sex...but he's not getting it from me. He's really getting annoying. I know I've been way too impulsive in the past, but I really believe God changed my whole perspective on life when He put it on my heart to read what the Bible says about sex and pleasing the flesh and immorality. I don't have any desire to go against God's commands to wait anymore. The consequences opf premarital sex never benefit anyone. With no commitment, even if the couple both thinks they love each other, it is putting their desires before God's and God won't have it. 1 Corinthians 6:9 says: "Do you knot know that the unrighteous will NOT inherit the kingdom of God? Do NOT be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolators, not adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, will inherit the kingdom of God. But, there is hope for you and me... And such were some of you, but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified, in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God. v. 13 Now the body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. v 18...Flee sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 7:9. If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on that subject, but it's something God laid on my heart to share with you. I don't think Andrew is giving up his old self, completely. He still seems really upset when I tell him I'm not sure I want to marry him. Galatians 5:24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Today, andrew was telling me he was addicted to me and it made me feel really uncomfortable. He told me I was like a drug for him. I don't know what to do about this because I don't want to be put on a pedestal or worshipped or "needed" so much. I don't want to hurt anyone, either. Why do I feel responsible for his happiness? 12:10 I didn't make it to church. My kids won't listen to me when I tell them they have to get ready. They act like they don't even understand what language I'm speaking! I feel drained...defeated. We'll end up making Mom mad if we don't make it to help her with their anniversary party. I did find the applications you sent...all five of them. I'll work on one, now, but I don't think I'll be able to visit you unless you're here. I get lost everywhere I go. 9-6 1pm So much can happen in so little time. So much, or so little...depending on the time. First of all, I just broke up with Andrew. Sounds kind of juvenile, I know. I mean, breaking up, giving up, opening my eyes to the kind of person he really is. It was only about half an hour ago. We were going to spend the day together, but when he came over, after I got dressed, he did something very embarrassing and I realized that the only reason I was still with him was because i was afraid to tell him how I really felt about how he treated me. He only saw me as his property. He just saw me as someone he could manipulate. He confirmed my feelings later when he was trying to get me to think that he was going to go back to his old drug habits if I broke it off with him. He kept blubbering about how he was worthless and how being good didn't pay off and how he might as well go back to how he used to be. Then, of course, he cried real tears. There is something desperately wrong with people who manipulate people like that and something crazy about the people who thing they can save them. Now, I know what codependency is. Mom and Dad had their fiftieth anniversary party. They exchanged vows. They were able to get the same maid of honor and the same best man they had fifty years ago. It was beautiful. I feel guilty because all I did was serve cake and help clean up. Everything ran very smoothly, though, and I was strangely able to be exactly where I should have been so I could know certain things going on in people's lives. It's like God planted me there so I would know how to pray for certain needs. I found out that one of my aunts had three strokes and cataract surgery. She uses a walker, now. One of my uncles is having surgery next week. One of my cousins is agnostic. My brother's best friend's sister is 45 and pregnant...can you imagine? My aunt I visit in the nursing home was there! Her son came from out of town to be there. We all went to my parents' house after the wecding. We played "Catch Phrase". We play that a lot when we all get together. I found out some more bad news, but I can't write it, here. I'm just keeping my sister-in-law in my prayers. I sent her a card, today, telling her she can call me if she ever wants to. |
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